Beeny's Tip Of The Week

"you probably shouldn't weave into the fabric of the building"

WTF

Doom on a Spectrum. I kid you not. 

From One Paddy To Paddington

Being the type of weirdo that I am, I stumbled upon this Paddington Bear Story. Although I'm sure it will be a rip roaringly funny new book, I have become infinitely more interested in his last book, Paddington Takes the Test. There are so many possibilities for this story it's unbelievable; Paddington takes a driving test, funny but not as good as Paddington takes a sexual health test and finds out that he has herpes. My personal favourite however is Paddington takes the Ashes first Test, and not realising what a long game cricket is, starts on the marmalade a little early and is sick all over Andrew Strauss.

Fuck Off

If you were a big important business person, who spent their weekends bathing in Moet & Chandon and pissing in peasants eyeballs, how would you possibly try to convey your disregard for the average human being? Well, this seems to be the most popular option; by a train company, pack sweaty people in so tight that they're always smelling worse than a sailor's bathroom and this is my personal favourite, having a automated announcer apologizing for delays.  

There is something strangely brilliant about having a recorded message apologizing for an hour delay meaning you miss your connection and will not arrive at your destination till the early hours of the morning. "There is a 45 minute delay for the 8.45 to Reading, I am extremely sorry for the inconvenience " No, you're not, you recorded that message 2 years ago, and are now currently in bed enjoying a Horlicks, that business man must be pissing himself into the eyes of a soon to be blind peasant. 

Beeny's Tip Of The Week

"just sort it out and move on"

Hello There

Right, well I don't how this has happened but I've decided to start blogging again. This could be related to me having to much time on my hands or some may say that I love to read my own verse but in truth I think it's because the internet is just shit now. Yes, and that does include your blog Matthew (which has become increasingly boring and the thought of a podcast makes me want to chop off my ears). 

So if you want to continue reading my blog come back tomorrow (I won't have updated, but it'll make me look more popular and successful) and if you don't you can just fuck off to Swansea.