Beeny's Tip Of The Week

"you probably shouldn't weave into the fabric of the building"

WTF

Doom on a Spectrum. I kid you not. 

From One Paddy To Paddington

Being the type of weirdo that I am, I stumbled upon this Paddington Bear Story. Although I'm sure it will be a rip roaringly funny new book, I have become infinitely more interested in his last book, Paddington Takes the Test. There are so many possibilities for this story it's unbelievable; Paddington takes a driving test, funny but not as good as Paddington takes a sexual health test and finds out that he has herpes. My personal favourite however is Paddington takes the Ashes first Test, and not realising what a long game cricket is, starts on the marmalade a little early and is sick all over Andrew Strauss.

Fuck Off

If you were a big important business person, who spent their weekends bathing in Moet & Chandon and pissing in peasants eyeballs, how would you possibly try to convey your disregard for the average human being? Well, this seems to be the most popular option; by a train company, pack sweaty people in so tight that they're always smelling worse than a sailor's bathroom and this is my personal favourite, having a automated announcer apologizing for delays.  

There is something strangely brilliant about having a recorded message apologizing for an hour delay meaning you miss your connection and will not arrive at your destination till the early hours of the morning. "There is a 45 minute delay for the 8.45 to Reading, I am extremely sorry for the inconvenience " No, you're not, you recorded that message 2 years ago, and are now currently in bed enjoying a Horlicks, that business man must be pissing himself into the eyes of a soon to be blind peasant. 

Beeny's Tip Of The Week

"just sort it out and move on"