The Sun at the fore front again

When people think of one newspaper never to shy away from the truth, the gritty realism, and just the pure trauma of modern life The Sun newspaper can never be far from their minds. If this quest for truth and journalist integrity means having a actress pose for a completely pointless photo of a a rape victim, well then I'm right behind them. What the photograph adds to the story is absolutely nothing but anyone who disagrees with me is clearly either a terrorist or sex offender.

Alex Ferguson Exclusive

Alex Ferguson this week broke his silence on why his face is so red. He explained that it is not because he is a hatred filled, alcoholic pensioner but actually because he is Manchester United through and through. Holding an impromptu press conference at Old Trafford (Theatre Of Cunts) he preceded to explain that after spending 20 years at the club and winning all possible trophies the only way to prove how much United meant to him was to make his face the same colour as the Manchester United home shirts. Sir Alex said, "Aye lock lad, cannae not understand after winning the Premier League so meny teems the onli thing left is turn yeur face blood red, it's the onli wey of proving where your loyalty lies"

He also hit back at fellow Manchester manager Mark Hughes arguing that his face is closer in shade to Manchester United red than it is to Manchester City's sky blue, "It's City isn't it? They're a small club with a small mentality. All they can talk about is Manchester United; they can't get away from it, if Mark Hughes really believed in City then he'd stick his head in a freezer for a good ten minutes before any game to get a blue hue"

Sir Alex also said that for away games he would be blacking up his face like a 1950's racist, "Aye, if you love your club being called racist is a small price to pay"

Spotify up your life

I thought I was pretty geeky but it turned out there is plenty of stuff on the internet that I don't know about, and one of those things is Spotify. Basically it's a free piece of software that lets you listen to any music you want for free, the only downsides are that you never own the music and that they have a crap selection of Village People songs. Right you can get Spotify here, and for all you Village People fans here is their classic
Sex Over The Phone

One reason why people annoy me

Do you know what yanks my chain? People who sit on the aisle side on trains and put their bag on the window seat. It's just not playing the game, everyone wants to sit alone on the train reading about eastern europe economies in The Economist but if someone wants to sit next to you, by golly you've just got to like it or lump it. The only thing worse is the people who pretend to be asleep while taking up two seats so that you feel bad asking them to move.

Beeny's Tip Of The Week

"you probably shouldn't weave into the fabric of the building"

WTF

Doom on a Spectrum. I kid you not. 

From One Paddy To Paddington

Being the type of weirdo that I am, I stumbled upon this Paddington Bear Story. Although I'm sure it will be a rip roaringly funny new book, I have become infinitely more interested in his last book, Paddington Takes the Test. There are so many possibilities for this story it's unbelievable; Paddington takes a driving test, funny but not as good as Paddington takes a sexual health test and finds out that he has herpes. My personal favourite however is Paddington takes the Ashes first Test, and not realising what a long game cricket is, starts on the marmalade a little early and is sick all over Andrew Strauss.